Only the Lonely, chapter 9
Mar. 6th, 2012 09:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lirillithTitle: Only the Lonely
Fandom: Tiger & Bunny
Characters/pairing: Karina/Kotetsu
Length: 2200 words
Rating: T, maybe
Summary: When Kotetsu returns from retirement and starts coming to Karina's performances again, she thinks she has her chance to get closer to him at last... but that also means getting to know his partner.
****
Karina didn't have any time that wasn't dedicated either to sleep or hero business until her Friday gig at the bar. She only saw Barnaby on the phone all week. It was a relief to be somewhere with her own minimal makeup, no wig, no costume, and nothing to think about except the song in front of her. Until she glanced out at the bar, when she stood up to take a bow just before her break, and saw Kotetsu sitting there.
This time she didn't see any reason not to hop down from the stage and run over to hug him. He patted her back a little awkwardly. "Didn't think you'd be that happy to see me," he said.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, hoisting herself up onto the barstool. "You haven't been to one of these in the longest time."
"Thought you might have been hoping for Bunny," he said, scratching at his beard. She elbowed him gently. Barnaby was recording some kind of voiceover tonight. "I remember being that age, you know?"
"I can still be happy to see you, too," she said. "I've missed seeing you here. Did you stop coming because I started seeing him?"
"No," he said, looking a little shifty, and she realized he'd probably stopped coming because she'd kissed him, rather than anything specifically about Barnaby.
Blushing, she cast about for a topic as unconnected to that as possible. "I never did get to see that picture of us you took on my graduation."
"Right," he said, fishing his phone out of his pocket and fiddling with it. "Should be in here somewhere," he said, passing it to her, and returning to his drink.
She flipped through the gallery, slowly: One of Kaede, maybe taken a couple of years ago - she wasn't a good judge of kids' ages. One of a young, pretty Asian woman, holding a baby. That had to be his wife and Kaede, years and years ago. A couple of group shots - Bison, Sky High and Agnes all together, for some reason. Her, Nathan, Pao-lin and Origami, not even posed. Okay, she remembered that one, from rehearsals for the MVP ceremony where she and Pao-lin had been announced for their rookie season. Nathan had been all "oh, it'll be so nice to have some other girls around," and she and Pao-lin had hidden in the women's room, debating what pronouns they were supposed to use for Nathan.
Another of Kaede, sitting in a booth at a restaurant. One of himself, making the obligatory goofy face and finger-V. A really nice one of Barnaby, who looked a little surprised, like he was about to ask why Kotetsu was taking a picture; the photo itself had the off-kilter look of something snapped in a hurry. She lingered on it for a moment. The next was of his wife, reading - she wore glasses? - seeming not to even notice he was there. Another of Kaede, laughing at something. A group shot of the Second League heroes eating pizza. And then one of Karina herself, onstage, playing the piano. It was a little crooked, just like the one of Barnaby, like he'd taken it in a hurry.
The next one was the shot he'd taken that day. She was laughing, and Kotetsu was halfway grinning, and Barnaby had a sort of half-smile on his face as he looked at her. "At least my eyes were open," she said.
"I think it looked nice," Kotetsu said. "You looked happy."
"Some of those must have been taken years ago."
"Yeah," he said. "At least a couple phones ago. I just keep my favorites on it, so I have 'em with me. There's one taken right after we got Kaede home from the hospital, I know that." She passed him the phone. "Heh, and the first time I met you."
"I remember thinking 'how does he get his beard that shape, and why is he taking pictures?'"
Kotetsu laughed. "The beard's a secret. You and the Kid were new, and Origami was so shy I didn't have any of him till then."
"You just take pictures of other people. Never of yourself with anyone. I'd have thought you'd have at least one of you and Barnaby together, but the only photo where you're with anyone is the one of the three of us."
"I know what I look like," he said. "I don't need pictures of me."
"But you saved that one where you're making a silly face..."
"Are you saying I ever make any other kind of face?"
"Maybe once in a while," she said. He grinned, flipping through the photos. He lingered on the one of Barnaby, too, for a moment, and before he could get to hers, she blurted out, "So are we part of your family now?"
He didn't look up. "These were a little more personal than I thought."
"Kotetsu..." She glanced at the clock. "Listen, you can't leave until I'm done, okay? Promise me."
"Sure," he said, but she stared at him until he met her eyes. "I promise," he said.
"And you can't get drunk, because if we have to get another ride from Barnaby he's going to start wondering why I don't take better care of you."
"Hey," he protested. "I hardly ever get drunk, and if I did we could just call a cab."
"Kotetsu..."
"I'll behave," he said. "It's fine, Rose. Go on with the show."
Karina tried to keep her mind on her performance, but between songs it wandered. Had she worded it wrong? Maybe she shouldn't have asked outright, just accepted that he was letting her see something personal and kept her mouth shut about the details. But all she could see was that the only photos he had of a single individual were the ones of his wife, his daughter, Barnaby, and Karina herself. That didn't have to mean anything, and he'd more or less confirmed that it did. Not that there were any of his parents. But still. It seemed to mean something, and even if she couldn't get any more out of him, she'd at least learned that much.
She tried not to be obvious about looking his way between songs, but one time he caught her, and raised his glass of something fizzy and clear - mineral water, maybe - to her like a toast. She tried to keep her eyes on the keys after that, even if she couldn't help thinking about the photos, the way he'd clammed up. She shouldn't have asked, but it was too late, now. And maybe she'd done the right thing. Maybe Kotetsu needed to be called out on things now and then.
When she joined him at the end of the set, he had another glass of something she assumed was alcoholic in front of him. "This is only the second of the night," he said.
"I know. I saw the mineral water earlier."
"That was actually Sprite," he said. "I know your dark secret, Rose. You're moonlighting in a Coca-Cola establishment."
She laughed, waving the bartender - Amanda, tonight - over for her iced tea. "Yeah, it's a scandal waiting to happen."
"Any day now," he agreed, but then he sighed, and took another sip of his drink. "I know what you wanted to ask me about," he said.
"I didn't really know what to ask, beyond..." She gestured vaguely, then accepted her iced tea with a false smile at Amanda. "They just kind of stood out."
"Family's not quite right," he said. "But you and Bunny are... you mean a lot to me. Both of you." He took another drink, longer, like that admission had taken a lot out of him. "Bunny saved my daughter's life and I never told him."
"What? When?" Maybe it wasn't quite a non-sequitur. Or maybe he was trying to tell her he kept secrets and kept people out, like he thought she hadn't noticed.
"Back when we first partnered up. Not like we were really having heart-to-hearts back then, but I never brought it up. I don't know if he recognized her later or not."
"Kotetsu..."
"I know," he said. "I know. I've always done this. Believe it or not, I think I'm better about it with you than with Bunny."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you about Mr. Legend," he said. "And what I knew about his powers - I didn't tell Bunny about that, either." He rolled the glass back and forth between his hands slightly. "I feel bad about it, like I shouldn't burden you with any of my problems - but I think that's why I tell you things, too. Because Bunny has enough problems of his own."
And my biggest problem was being in love with you, which you didn't even realize. "I know he'd rather you tell him. Any of your friends would."
He shook his head. "Only person I told about losing my powers was my brother. And even he had to drag it out of me."
"You have a brother?"
He was actually grinning, ruefully, as he met her eyes. "Case in point."
"You weren't like this with your wife, were you?" She almost immediately regretted it, but he didn't flinch, just shook his head.
"I told her everything." And then when he lost her, he stopped telling anyone anything. He couldn't put the pieces together himself? Maybe he had, because he added, "It goes back to before I met her, though. It's not like I just started keeping things to myself after..."
Yeah, but it conveniently meant he didn't let anyone get as close as she had. "I didn't mean to bring her up," Karina said, looking at her hands. "It just kind of slipped out."
Kotetsu covered her hand with his, squeezed, left it there, and she was too stunned to react. "Rose," he said. "Don't feel bad about that. Back when I had that... breakdown, I guess? It wasn't just talking about her. I had a lot on my mind."
"It wasn't?" She managed to look over at him, and he shook his head.
"I miss her all the time," he said. "It doesn't always hit me like it did then. I was... I missed Kaede, and I was feeling guilty about holding Bunny back, and wondering if it was worth it to come back at all. And then I talked to you, and you were just so young, and..." He trailed off. "I'll always miss her," he said. "I'll always love her. But it's not always like that."
His hand was still on hers. She didn't want to move, to call attention to it. I'm still in love with him, she thought, with a sinking sensation. You can't just decide not to love someone anymore. No wonder he felt that way after ten years with her. "I just didn't want to make you feel that way again," she said.
He squeezed her hand again. "It wasn't you, Rose. Not your fault. But this is why I keep things to myself," he said. "No one needs to worry about me."
"This is why you shouldn't," she said. "If you didn't keep people at arm's length, they wouldn't... they'd know more what to do when you finally do show how you're really feeling. Because eventually it's bound to come out." She turned her hand under his, and to her surprise, he laced his fingers with hers. His hands were rougher than Barnaby's, wider, the fingers shorter. She could feel the wedding band on his finger.
"That's about what Bunny said, too," he admitted. "I told him about the holding him back thing. He also called me a stupid old man, but that's Bunny."
"He's right," she said. "You seriously think he wouldn't rather be in the Second League with you than in the First League on his own?"
"I sorta hoped..." He looked away from her, finished his drink, and fidgeted with the empty glass for a moment. "I figured, if you two got together, he'd be okay without me. I could go back to the Second League, and he'd be in the First where he belongs, and you two wouldn't need a washed-up old man like me."
"Did you tell him that?" she demanded. He shook his head. "Good, because-- you'd just hurt his feelings and he probably wouldn't even know how to tell you how wrong you were. How can you even think that? Stupid old man is way too mild." Yet she was still holding his hand. "We both love you, you giant dumbass. We wouldn't even have been polite to each other if not for you. You're not going anywhere if either of us has anything to say about it."
Kotetsu lifted her hand, pressed his lips to the back of it, and let it go. "You're gonna be the best thing that ever happened to him," he said, smiling at her.
She shook her head. "That's you. I wouldn't even have happened to him if not for you."
He just kept smiling as he got down from the barstool. "Let's get you home, Rose."
****
Fandom: Tiger & Bunny
Characters/pairing: Karina/Kotetsu
Length: 2200 words
Rating: T, maybe
Summary: When Kotetsu returns from retirement and starts coming to Karina's performances again, she thinks she has her chance to get closer to him at last... but that also means getting to know his partner.
****
Karina didn't have any time that wasn't dedicated either to sleep or hero business until her Friday gig at the bar. She only saw Barnaby on the phone all week. It was a relief to be somewhere with her own minimal makeup, no wig, no costume, and nothing to think about except the song in front of her. Until she glanced out at the bar, when she stood up to take a bow just before her break, and saw Kotetsu sitting there.
This time she didn't see any reason not to hop down from the stage and run over to hug him. He patted her back a little awkwardly. "Didn't think you'd be that happy to see me," he said.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asked, hoisting herself up onto the barstool. "You haven't been to one of these in the longest time."
"Thought you might have been hoping for Bunny," he said, scratching at his beard. She elbowed him gently. Barnaby was recording some kind of voiceover tonight. "I remember being that age, you know?"
"I can still be happy to see you, too," she said. "I've missed seeing you here. Did you stop coming because I started seeing him?"
"No," he said, looking a little shifty, and she realized he'd probably stopped coming because she'd kissed him, rather than anything specifically about Barnaby.
Blushing, she cast about for a topic as unconnected to that as possible. "I never did get to see that picture of us you took on my graduation."
"Right," he said, fishing his phone out of his pocket and fiddling with it. "Should be in here somewhere," he said, passing it to her, and returning to his drink.
She flipped through the gallery, slowly: One of Kaede, maybe taken a couple of years ago - she wasn't a good judge of kids' ages. One of a young, pretty Asian woman, holding a baby. That had to be his wife and Kaede, years and years ago. A couple of group shots - Bison, Sky High and Agnes all together, for some reason. Her, Nathan, Pao-lin and Origami, not even posed. Okay, she remembered that one, from rehearsals for the MVP ceremony where she and Pao-lin had been announced for their rookie season. Nathan had been all "oh, it'll be so nice to have some other girls around," and she and Pao-lin had hidden in the women's room, debating what pronouns they were supposed to use for Nathan.
Another of Kaede, sitting in a booth at a restaurant. One of himself, making the obligatory goofy face and finger-V. A really nice one of Barnaby, who looked a little surprised, like he was about to ask why Kotetsu was taking a picture; the photo itself had the off-kilter look of something snapped in a hurry. She lingered on it for a moment. The next was of his wife, reading - she wore glasses? - seeming not to even notice he was there. Another of Kaede, laughing at something. A group shot of the Second League heroes eating pizza. And then one of Karina herself, onstage, playing the piano. It was a little crooked, just like the one of Barnaby, like he'd taken it in a hurry.
The next one was the shot he'd taken that day. She was laughing, and Kotetsu was halfway grinning, and Barnaby had a sort of half-smile on his face as he looked at her. "At least my eyes were open," she said.
"I think it looked nice," Kotetsu said. "You looked happy."
"Some of those must have been taken years ago."
"Yeah," he said. "At least a couple phones ago. I just keep my favorites on it, so I have 'em with me. There's one taken right after we got Kaede home from the hospital, I know that." She passed him the phone. "Heh, and the first time I met you."
"I remember thinking 'how does he get his beard that shape, and why is he taking pictures?'"
Kotetsu laughed. "The beard's a secret. You and the Kid were new, and Origami was so shy I didn't have any of him till then."
"You just take pictures of other people. Never of yourself with anyone. I'd have thought you'd have at least one of you and Barnaby together, but the only photo where you're with anyone is the one of the three of us."
"I know what I look like," he said. "I don't need pictures of me."
"But you saved that one where you're making a silly face..."
"Are you saying I ever make any other kind of face?"
"Maybe once in a while," she said. He grinned, flipping through the photos. He lingered on the one of Barnaby, too, for a moment, and before he could get to hers, she blurted out, "So are we part of your family now?"
He didn't look up. "These were a little more personal than I thought."
"Kotetsu..." She glanced at the clock. "Listen, you can't leave until I'm done, okay? Promise me."
"Sure," he said, but she stared at him until he met her eyes. "I promise," he said.
"And you can't get drunk, because if we have to get another ride from Barnaby he's going to start wondering why I don't take better care of you."
"Hey," he protested. "I hardly ever get drunk, and if I did we could just call a cab."
"Kotetsu..."
"I'll behave," he said. "It's fine, Rose. Go on with the show."
Karina tried to keep her mind on her performance, but between songs it wandered. Had she worded it wrong? Maybe she shouldn't have asked outright, just accepted that he was letting her see something personal and kept her mouth shut about the details. But all she could see was that the only photos he had of a single individual were the ones of his wife, his daughter, Barnaby, and Karina herself. That didn't have to mean anything, and he'd more or less confirmed that it did. Not that there were any of his parents. But still. It seemed to mean something, and even if she couldn't get any more out of him, she'd at least learned that much.
She tried not to be obvious about looking his way between songs, but one time he caught her, and raised his glass of something fizzy and clear - mineral water, maybe - to her like a toast. She tried to keep her eyes on the keys after that, even if she couldn't help thinking about the photos, the way he'd clammed up. She shouldn't have asked, but it was too late, now. And maybe she'd done the right thing. Maybe Kotetsu needed to be called out on things now and then.
When she joined him at the end of the set, he had another glass of something she assumed was alcoholic in front of him. "This is only the second of the night," he said.
"I know. I saw the mineral water earlier."
"That was actually Sprite," he said. "I know your dark secret, Rose. You're moonlighting in a Coca-Cola establishment."
She laughed, waving the bartender - Amanda, tonight - over for her iced tea. "Yeah, it's a scandal waiting to happen."
"Any day now," he agreed, but then he sighed, and took another sip of his drink. "I know what you wanted to ask me about," he said.
"I didn't really know what to ask, beyond..." She gestured vaguely, then accepted her iced tea with a false smile at Amanda. "They just kind of stood out."
"Family's not quite right," he said. "But you and Bunny are... you mean a lot to me. Both of you." He took another drink, longer, like that admission had taken a lot out of him. "Bunny saved my daughter's life and I never told him."
"What? When?" Maybe it wasn't quite a non-sequitur. Or maybe he was trying to tell her he kept secrets and kept people out, like he thought she hadn't noticed.
"Back when we first partnered up. Not like we were really having heart-to-hearts back then, but I never brought it up. I don't know if he recognized her later or not."
"Kotetsu..."
"I know," he said. "I know. I've always done this. Believe it or not, I think I'm better about it with you than with Bunny."
"What do you mean?"
"I told you about Mr. Legend," he said. "And what I knew about his powers - I didn't tell Bunny about that, either." He rolled the glass back and forth between his hands slightly. "I feel bad about it, like I shouldn't burden you with any of my problems - but I think that's why I tell you things, too. Because Bunny has enough problems of his own."
And my biggest problem was being in love with you, which you didn't even realize. "I know he'd rather you tell him. Any of your friends would."
He shook his head. "Only person I told about losing my powers was my brother. And even he had to drag it out of me."
"You have a brother?"
He was actually grinning, ruefully, as he met her eyes. "Case in point."
"You weren't like this with your wife, were you?" She almost immediately regretted it, but he didn't flinch, just shook his head.
"I told her everything." And then when he lost her, he stopped telling anyone anything. He couldn't put the pieces together himself? Maybe he had, because he added, "It goes back to before I met her, though. It's not like I just started keeping things to myself after..."
Yeah, but it conveniently meant he didn't let anyone get as close as she had. "I didn't mean to bring her up," Karina said, looking at her hands. "It just kind of slipped out."
Kotetsu covered her hand with his, squeezed, left it there, and she was too stunned to react. "Rose," he said. "Don't feel bad about that. Back when I had that... breakdown, I guess? It wasn't just talking about her. I had a lot on my mind."
"It wasn't?" She managed to look over at him, and he shook his head.
"I miss her all the time," he said. "It doesn't always hit me like it did then. I was... I missed Kaede, and I was feeling guilty about holding Bunny back, and wondering if it was worth it to come back at all. And then I talked to you, and you were just so young, and..." He trailed off. "I'll always miss her," he said. "I'll always love her. But it's not always like that."
His hand was still on hers. She didn't want to move, to call attention to it. I'm still in love with him, she thought, with a sinking sensation. You can't just decide not to love someone anymore. No wonder he felt that way after ten years with her. "I just didn't want to make you feel that way again," she said.
He squeezed her hand again. "It wasn't you, Rose. Not your fault. But this is why I keep things to myself," he said. "No one needs to worry about me."
"This is why you shouldn't," she said. "If you didn't keep people at arm's length, they wouldn't... they'd know more what to do when you finally do show how you're really feeling. Because eventually it's bound to come out." She turned her hand under his, and to her surprise, he laced his fingers with hers. His hands were rougher than Barnaby's, wider, the fingers shorter. She could feel the wedding band on his finger.
"That's about what Bunny said, too," he admitted. "I told him about the holding him back thing. He also called me a stupid old man, but that's Bunny."
"He's right," she said. "You seriously think he wouldn't rather be in the Second League with you than in the First League on his own?"
"I sorta hoped..." He looked away from her, finished his drink, and fidgeted with the empty glass for a moment. "I figured, if you two got together, he'd be okay without me. I could go back to the Second League, and he'd be in the First where he belongs, and you two wouldn't need a washed-up old man like me."
"Did you tell him that?" she demanded. He shook his head. "Good, because-- you'd just hurt his feelings and he probably wouldn't even know how to tell you how wrong you were. How can you even think that? Stupid old man is way too mild." Yet she was still holding his hand. "We both love you, you giant dumbass. We wouldn't even have been polite to each other if not for you. You're not going anywhere if either of us has anything to say about it."
Kotetsu lifted her hand, pressed his lips to the back of it, and let it go. "You're gonna be the best thing that ever happened to him," he said, smiling at her.
She shook her head. "That's you. I wouldn't even have happened to him if not for you."
He just kept smiling as he got down from the barstool. "Let's get you home, Rose."
****
no subject
Date: 2012-05-18 10:58 pm (UTC)Okay, I'll quote one line at you:
Nathan had been all "oh, it'll be so nice to have some other girls around," and she and Pao-lin had hidden in the women's room, debating what pronouns they were supposed to use for Nathan.
This line wins everything. I can definitely see younger!Rose and Pao-lin huddled in a corner whispering fiercely at each other as they try to figure this out.